


the first; the last

by wonseokie



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Introspection, Junmyeon-centric, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-31
Updated: 2018-07-31
Packaged: 2019-06-19 13:02:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,218
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15510477
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wonseokie/pseuds/wonseokie
Summary: Junmyeon is starting his last year in college when he meets his first love again.





	the first; the last

**Author's Note:**

> this was written in half an hour. dedicated to everyone who had to choose between their own dreams and someone else’s, or their dreams and their reality. may the universe be kinder to us in our next lives. 
> 
> guess what the ~classic work~ is. also, a warning: the sulay is subtle in this work, but i would like to say it’s there.
> 
> the title is taken from a youtube video of the same name. it was a Thing when i was in high school, and it talked about all the loves in someone’s life. i think it’s still there; check it out if you’re interested.

 

It’s far too early to be in university but Junmyeon doesn’t mind. He’d rather be wasting his time in the libraries or gardens and hallways than alone at home, anyway.

 

It’s such a strange word, home. Just a few characters and yet its relevance, its implications - sometimes, they’re more than can be comprehended. Junmyeon enters the lobby of what he has considered home in the past four years.

 

The building is old, dating back to the First World War. The original structure has been left alone, with remnants of its history still intact, untouched by the modernity of its interior: the large round posts outside the main entrance, the grand staircase that leads to the second floor, the marble flooring that’s cracked in some places and missing in others, rectified by resin that could kill rushing students when it’s wet outside. The rest of the building, though, shows the passage of time as it ravages any society.

 

The paint is a sleek, soothing cream, complemented by streaks of maroon and black. The walls that separate classrooms are made of thick, soundproof wood; there are ventilation and sound systems in place, as well as electrical boxes and airconditioning units.

 

This is Junmyeon’s home, it has been since he was admitted as a freshman four years ago. And yet - he has the condo he’s been living in, and that’s home too. He still has a bed and a room in his parents’ house and that is still a home.

 

“Junnie!”

 

The voice snaps Junmyeon out of his contemplation, and he looks over his shoulder to see -

 

“Yixing,” he breathes, and simply saying his name feels like coming home. “Hi. You’re early.” He accepts the hug Yixing wraps him in, squeezing back before stepping away.

 

Yixing shrugs, adjusting the strap of his bag on his shoulder. “I missed you and the boys. Channie said he had an 8 AM class, so I wanted to see if you guys wanted breakfast.”

 

They both proceeded towards the stairs, on their way to their shared department. None of them have seen each other since the semester ended almost two months ago, when they bid goodbye to three of their older friends who graduated.

 

This school year marks Junmyeon’s and Yixing’s last year in university, their last year of undergrad, and Junmyeon isn’t quite sure how to feel about it. On one hand, he’s looking forward to finishing his degree. It’s high time he started working to take care of himself; maybe finally convince his parents their baby boy can survive without them breaking their backs to provide for him. On the other, he still feels like a lost child, sixteen again and still unsure whether the degree he qualified for is the right one for him or not.

 

They’re passing through a bulletin board that Junmyeon has seen every single day for the past four years, but this time something in it catches his attention. Maybe it’s the striking contrast of colors on the poster; maybe it’s a twist of fate. He stops walking and turns his head, eyes catching on the print: Welcome, Dramaturgy and Theatre Arts Freshies!

 

“Junnie?”

 

This time, not even Yixing’s voice can take his attention away from what he had just read. A small, proud smile stretches across his face; every year, he sees greetings for freshmen on bulletin boards, but this time, it hits harder that this is it: he’s a senior. This is the last time he’ll experience this.

 

This is his last chance to think of what ifs as he stares at freshmen, awed at their program, and wishing he had been one of them when he was their age.

 

He finally turns away and continues walking, smiling at Yixing and shaking his head at the question sure to leave his lips.

 

Chanyeol’s class has just let out when they reach their department’s hallway - yet another of Junmyeon’s homes - and they greet each other, finally together again.

 

Try as he might, Junmyeon can’t get it out of his head. No matter how much he tells himself it’s too late, he’s a senior for pete’s sake, a small part of him will always wish he’s on a stage instead of a clinic, in costumes instead of scrubs, and memorizing songs and cues instead of symptoms.

 

-

 

When Junmyeon is 8 years old, he stars in his first stage play. It’s a shortened version of Alice in Wonderland and he plays the Madhatter. His teachers are impressed and tell him, you’re going to be a superstar one day!

 

When Junmyeon is 13, he falls in love with theatre. It’s a language class and they’re required to write, direct, and present a modernized version of a classic work.

 

He had sat down, read the book cover to cover, and spent an entire night slaving away at a draft of a script. Two weeks later, his class was finalizing everything.

 

Three months later, Junmyeon is playing a young man coming home after 7 years overseas, only to find his love - his home country - overrun by violence, corruption, and crime. They turn the revolutionary into a student activist, the tortured lover into a speaker for women’s rights.

 

They get an A.

 

When Junmyeon is 20, one year away from graduating, he writes his first musical.

 

The images come easy and the words more so; he has Yixing who helps him write the melodies and tie all the songs together. They write and sing about children who have learned to survive, yet have no idea what it means to live. Junmyeon becomes the boy who says, ‘let’s stay here,’ and Yixing is the boy who heals their hearts.

 

They name their musical Home and it wins first place at a college competition.

 

“You could have made it in Arts,” one of his seniors tell him, inspired and impressed at the end of the night. “That was amazing!”

 

-

 

Junmyeon smiles at the memory. A poster of Home had been plastered by Chanyeol on the wall of his bedroom, never to be forgotten. On the poster, Junmyeon, Yixing, Chanyeol, and their other co-stars - Jongdae, Kyungsoo, Taeyon, Qian - sit in a small circle around a fire, lost but brimming with hope.

 

Junmyeon is unsure why his heart aches. For the boy he is, the boy who dreams of the stage? For the boy he wishes he could be?

 

For the boy who lost his first love, he thinks. For the boy who loved the makeup and the songs, the choreographies and the cues; for the boy who has to move on to the people he has learned to love.

 

For the boy who cried the first time he heard, thank you, teacher Junmyeon! from a child who could barely speak when they first met. For the boy whose heart broke at the grieving wife who said, for the first time, I feel hope, after my husband died.

 

His heart aches for a love he will always have, and the love he gets to keep. He sits on one of the benches lining the hallway.

 

Theatre and the arts may have been his first love, but he knows, deep inside, that those dreams will forever remain in an ideal version of his life. In this, he is Junmyeon Kim, fourth year student, who loves what he can.

**Author's Note:**

> 1\. This is an ode to my college. As much as i/we talk smack about you, we love you. An shoutout to my university, the entire system, and everyone aspiring to be part of it: just keep fighting.
> 
> 2\. This is a love story for my younger self, and for everyone who had to choose between what they wanted to be and what would “feed them” in the future. I hope you find closure in your situation as i have found mine, by writing a musical inspired by the IP plight for land and property.
> 
> 3\. This thing was written on my phone in half an hour, between a panic attack and crying over the fact that i’m starting my last year in college next week. Forgive formatting and other errors.
> 
> 4\. For everyone who has made it this far: thank you, for giving this a chance. Comments are, of course, welcome, but you can also scream at me at  twitter  . ‘Til next time!


End file.
